unwanted image

Can we still change our personality? Can we select another personality that we want? Perhaps some are wondering why im asking these questions regarding personality. Do you want to know the reasons why? Ok just keep on reading this so that you'll find out why…
Well as everybody knows, im just a simple man with good reputation. By the way, I would like to hide the real person behind this blog. I just want to express the real me- the sentiments that cannot be shown that were long long time covered by mysteries…
Actually , I don't know how to start my story. I'll just write them down according to what comes first on my mind. See, it shows that my thinking is disorganized.
If I will describe myself, I may say that im just an ordinary guy. Six will be my rating in a scale of ten when it comes to the over all personality. Since I was young, I was a silent type person. I can get along very well with others but I always prefer to be the listener in every conversation. I am a silent type person.A man of few words. I admire people whokeep their mouth shut and when they speak, listeners are surpriseddue to the sense that they are saying. When a silent person shares an idea, everybody listens because he is a persuasive speaker. On the otherhand, if he has nothing to say worthwhile,, he prefers to be silent. I would like to portray such image, for me, that kind of personality is striking. My silence ness is different from the above because im a silent but not brilliant or intelligent. I prefer to be silent not because I don't really know what to say. The worst is that, when its my turn to speak,I have nothing worthwhile to share. Im not eloquent but im trying my best to become one.. Well, it's a shameful thing on my part because im a degree holder. Honestly speaking,I don't know if I already got the best in me, if I already possess the best qualities that an ordinary person can be.
Yes, let us accept that a man's search for something doesn't stop, what I mean is that a person has no satisfaction. A person is always striving for success and when they already achieved their goal, another set of wants is needed to be attained. Our craving for success has no end.
I have a lots of friends who are talkative. I want to become one of them, to become a joker and storyteller. I know that I can do what they are doing . The only problem is that I have no gutsto share a story. Im very hesitant to show and unmask the real me . Im not deceitful person but I hate something about some parts of my whole being. It's a strange thing. One day as I remember, I tried to imitate them. I studied how they do it ( I'm talking about becoming a clown in a group.) I realized that the most important thing is the trueness of oneself.. They can freely express themselves with anything because they accept who really they are . Without hesitation, they can tell any story, they know how to convert their bad experiences into positive funny things- they don't take difficulties seriously. It's just like they enjoy life more. Becoming true to oneself is the main key and the other skills may easily follow like the timing or tempo and body languages. With these , they can easily capture their listeners and they can always make their day a happy day. Me? Although I know the main ingredient of becoming comic person , I'm still hesitant . Why? Because if I do it now, the people around me would suspect me of using dangerous and illegal drugs because my image to them is just a silent person. They might not laugh coz they are not expecting jokes from me, when I say something , normally, they are listening seriously. I suppose that they are not expecting such kind of behavior . They will surely be surprised or shocked when I act like that. That's why Im asking myself if shifting from silent type to talkative type is an appropriate action . I really want to become funny so that my friends will not be bored whenever they are with me. Usually when im with a friend, I let them tell anything they want to say. I'm just lending my ears because I have a genuine interest to all of them.. I consider myself as a good listener . On the other hand, I feel guilt whenever I cant be able to begin a good topicno matter how I try. Its just like im grasping words whenever they finish their talk. It's a problem, maybe it has something to do with my mental ability but it has been proven that im a consistent honor student when I was in highschool . I really want to developa supreme skills in communication so that others will not find me a boring person. I think that it is an advantage when you are talkative in a nice way, many people will enjoy your company and the tendency is that you will win lots of friends- which is lacking in me because I have only few friends. All of my friends are talkative. I don't want a silent type like me , just imagine us to be together—silent to silent- no direction—Agree or disagree, its true.
When it comes to looks . My mother always says that im handsome because she is a mother. My grand mother tells the same thing—she is my greatest fan. She always tells me to be careful with girls. According to her, my mother was the one who forced my father to marry my mother, In our native tongue it s called "PIKOT" or a shot gun marriage. And do you know my response? A simple smile because I am not interested with girls. That is another topic- a question regarding my real gender.
Every time I look in my mirror, most of the time, I see a handsome guy but sometimes I see an ugly face. But the truth is that im not handsome and im not also ugly. Actually there are different opinions from different people—some are saying that I got the looks and some are saying that im just an average joe and no one has ever told me that im an ugly duckling eheh..But do you know what? Im willing to spend lots of moneyin expense of good looks. Im trying my best to look good all the time. I even tried different beauty productsjust to look good. I tried bleaching, used various whitening products and even took glutathione but until now im not white.. I stand five feet and six inches it's the typical height of an average Filipino. I have a medium body build. I can easily gain weight and can easily loose weight- I have an active metabolism. I usually gain weight during vacation and normally loose it in school days. My friends are telling me that they want to see me chubby. I have a nice set of teeth, sleepy eyes—they are my assets--, nice lips and I don't want to mention my nose!!! I have a wavy hair and now becomes thinner and thinner as day goes by, im now alarmed because sooner or later I will get a bald head.Im afraid of that that's why im doing something to control it. Im having a medication now, im applying topical lotionthat conditions the blood circulation in the scalp so that hair will regrow.
Im not satisfied in my over-all looks. Actually I want to improve it as soon as possible, I think that surgical operation is the only way to enhance my appearance. I want to look handsome.I still feel self pity everytime I see people who are gifted in their physical aspect. Im thinking that life is so unfair. Whenever I see people who are better than me,I cant control myself asking –"Why?" The same question was also raised by our principal during our convocation, she gave her opinion about the following: "What is/are the reason/s why there are people who were not looking good, poor and have no talent while there are people who almost possess everything- good looks, talents, brains, healthy and wealthy?" Do you want to know her answer? – it is because these gifted people know how to keep what they have, they know ways on how to improve themselves. They know how to use what god has given them.For example, you were born poor,and you died still poor, then its your fault. You have to do something in your life. God is helping those who are helping themselves. But I was not convinced by that answer although it has a sense and its true. In my own point of view, it is not the exact answer though the reasoning was correct. I don't understand why , it is indeed unfair, we are all human beings, we have all emotions and reasoning but still there are lucky and unlucky people on earth. Why is that there are people who have deformed face and why there are attractive? Why not create everyone beautiful and handsome so that there is no problem? I know that there are reasons why but the thing is that I really don't understand why are these happening to everyone. The unlucky ones are suffering while the lucky ones are enjoying. I have a friend who is so handsome , when I asked him about his looks, I found out that he is still unsatisfied on his looks. According to him nobody's perfect , he is aware that some are admiring him because of his appearance but he said that he was not really blessed as a matter of fact he enumerated all the bad qualities about him that he hated most. Because of that , I want to conclude that no one is contented, that everybody is looking for something they don't have.
If I will be given a chance to change myself, I will choose a person who is blessed with good looks, health and wealth.
J :::::::::: L:::::::: J